Bonding

So on one of my forums someone asked something about my husband possibly not bonding with the baby since he isn't getting up with me and the baby at all hours of the night...I figured it would make a good blog post so I wrote out a reply mostly just to copy paste it here. ♥

There are so many other ways to bond beyond getting up with mom and baby in the middle of the night. I personally think the getting up at all hours of the night in order to bond is as silly as thinking the father has to be allowed to bottle feed in order to bond. (Guess what, he won't be bottle feeding either! Oh god the horror~ lol) It's a weird societal expectation thing to me that is more about feelings than facts. I feel that my husband will have plenty of ways and time to bond that don't require him to lose sleep and not be able to function at work, etc..

He can be there to bathe the baby. He can hug and cuddle and rock it at any time he wants (Seriously, you think the baby cares if he is doing it at 2AM or 2PM? No. The baby doesn't care what time of day it is for cuddles, they're still cuddles and still count, lol). He can play with them at all ages and be involved in their interests and hobbies (And as they get older this is really effective at bonding, you know the whole being involved in their life as they grow up thing...I think that's highly underrated as far as bonding goes...). He can cuddle with us while I'm breastfeeding and be there with us in that way. We can sing and dance around the house as a family in the afternoons. He can cosleep with us two nights a week and touch, cuddle, and even sing to the baby while we lay there to rest as a family and he can even do this before he has to go to bed for work the next day. Actually, he can do this stuff at any time of day when he is home! That's a pretty crazy idea though, huh?

I mean, sure he can still always change diapers if he really wants (but he doesn't have too I'm fine doing it whenever I can. He would do it though if I needed him too because I'm busy doing something else though) and again, I really don't think the baby cares if Daddy is changing them at 2AM or 2PM. Seriously. I don't even think changing a diaper bonds any more than just having some cuddles (which can happen at any time of day not just 2AM)... lol The baby doesn't care who is wiping it's ass as long as it gets wiped. lol

No offense intended but I really don't get the whole "he won't bond without x, y, and z" thing myself. There are ways other than bottle feeding and wiping butts and getting up at 2AM even though you'll be exhausted at work the next day to bond with a baby and they're all just as great and have the bonus that they don't require losing sleep when he doesn't have too or risk damage to breastfeeding or wiping butts. I mean, hey if that's how you want to bond or how you feel you need to bond, fine go for it... I just don't get it myself is all... I just feel that bonding simply requires time and attention and there are so many ways to give a baby and child time and attention during the day beyond feeding and changing diapers.