Being a SAHM

This is a long winded rambly reply that I wrote out on the forums. I wanted to copy it here though.


For us it is actually cheaper for me to stay home so even if I wanted a job it's not realistic (Unless I somehow managed to get a job at the local cloth diaper store than we might break even since I'd be able to take my baby to work and save money on child care and still be able to be with my baby all the time, lol). 

As a child though you know how people ask "What do you want to be when you grow up?" and kids tell them their biggest most amazing dreams...All I ever wanted to be was a mommy (I DID go to a flight attendant academy after high school due to pressure from my mother and also because it got me out of my house and away from the violence that was a constant thing there....but it didn't work for me as I refuse to be miserable and live an unhappy life because it's what other people want from me). I got a lot of flack for it growing up too. My mom was a single mother who had to work three jobs to raise my brother and I and I hated it. She was also (and still is) bitter with commitment issues and kind of nuts in the head and not a good person and so I grew up seeing her just be miserable and unhappy and crazy and shit (Even after over three years without issues she thinks I'm dumb for staying home and not having money of my own stashed away...you know in case my husband turns out like her two husbands were..crazy and abusive and violent... You know, because I wouldn't have picked up on it by now since I'm that oblivious and wouldn't know if my husband were a bad person and of course I totally don't have friends (and even neighbors! One of which is actually a police officer...) who would come get me and let me live with them for a bit if I really needed too... I'm THAT stupid that I have babies with guys before I'm 100% positive they aren't fucking nuts and of course I don't factor in how compatible we are on things before even being married let alone the baby making... *eyeroll* the fucked up world view of my mother... Sigh. ) ... So yeah, I do feel I was influenced by the fact that my mom was never home and had issues from shitty life choices she's made and when she was home she was napping or fighting with my brother and that all I ever wanted was a mommy who was there. I don't see that as bad though. My husband grew up with a SAHM and a working dad and he loved it and fully supports my dream.

I'm not saying all working moms are like mine, but in low income dysfunctional families like mine it's a pretty common theme and so I'm breaking the cycle there (I do admit that growing up with my mom and her crazyness and issues has given me some pretty high standards for my life and keeps me from repeating her mistakes..) and this is me getting out and living a better life for myself and my children, where both parents are happy and in love and work as a team in harmony.

I appreciate him and he appreciates me. We're a team and we both contribute. Just because I don't go out and work a 9-5 and make a paycheck doesn't mean I don't contribute. We each have our roles and duties and they work in harmony to compliment one another and it's what works for us. I wouldn't be with my husband if he and I weren't on the same page about things, especially things like this. 

He and I talk about it randomly sometimes how he goes out Mon-Fri for work so I can live my dream and we can raise our children as he was raised and give them what we personally feel is best (This set up is not the best for everyone, and would not work for everyone, but it's what we feel is personally best for our specific family) and that it is totally worth it. He knows I work my ass off just as he does cooking, cleaning, organizing, and soon I'll be the one taking care of the babies while he is at work and so he doesn't feel like I don't contribute. In fact, he thinks I have the most amazing and intense and important job ever and if the roles were reversed we would have him be a stay at home dad while I worked because it is important to us that one of us stays home and while we feel it's best if it's the mom (personal feelings here!!) it would still be better for us to have dad stay home than send them to daycare for sure.

For me, I make money by saving money. I'm super thrifty and have time to look up sales and find deals and stuff and that helps us save money. I am also (and again this is all our personal feelings and not meant towards anyone elses life and what works for them) going to be there for our children all the time and for us that is worth much more than the amount of money I would make while working, Also, being a SAHM is great because we don't spend money for other things (Child care, bottles, breast pump and/or formula, disposable diapers, baby food, gas for me to drive every day, etc.) because our belief and lifestyle work easiest with a SAHM set up it's great for our wallet and our conscience.

It's awesome because our next door neighbors and a couple that lives across the street also have the SAHM thing going on so I don't feel as weird or alone in this neighborhood. In todays society it's kind of important to have that since SAHMs get such flack. I've been told it's not a real job. I've been told that I'm a gold digger/mooch/lazy bum for not wanting to work out of the home. I've been told that my husband must be abusive or crazy or submissive to want a wife that doesn't make money. You name it, and to me that's really sad. 

I LOVE working women and I am SO glad that we have the right to choose and that women can work outside the home and live their dreams. I just wish that society would back up juuuuust a little bit because it's gone from SAHM being the norm and what is socially acceptable and a woman wanting to work out of the home being silly and stupid and funny, to being the opposite where if you want to stay home you're crazy, stupid, funny, etc. and it's actually kind of hurtful. I live in a time where what I do isn't considered hard work, or a real job, or even important by many people and it breaks my heart some times. 

Honestly, I would run a day care out of our home if hubby would let me (He has said no to that idea, haha). lol I'd also make it "hippie friendly" which I know would go well with many crunchy moms in the area who do have to work (as most places around here for child care are not crunchy at all...) since I've talked to other people about it and have gotten good feedback. It's just not happening though because hubby says no to that idea. lol