The size of a family...

My husband and I both come from a family with two kids.
I have a younger brother.
He has an older sister.
We come from very different childhoods and families and so our experiences with our siblings, among other things, are very different.
He grew up in a very "traditional" style of family with very few issues ever arising in his life.
He had both his parents who were married his whole life. His father worked, and his mother stayed home with the children.
His sister and he have an age gap of 5 years and that meant she was able to be there and be helpful and active and a role model to him as he grew up. She was ahead of him in life in many ways and he benefited from it immensely.
Even now, they have a great relationship and benefit from one another in so many ways. Even I have felt the benefits of an "older sister-in-law" from time to time.
I'm sure they fought, annoyed one another, etc. but they have a happy, healthy, mututally desired and beneficial relationship.
I admit from time to time I envy it.

For me, I grew up with a single mother who was an alcoholic until she was 7 months pregnant with my younger brother (We are a little over a year and a half apart in age).
Before being single however, she was in an abusive marriage for a while and even after the divorce she had to deal with the drama and violence that ensued from my biological father for years afterwards, not to mention custody visits on weekends for the first couple years back when he paid child support...
Then you bring in my brother having mental health issues popping up at age 7. Bipolar, heavy on the manic side, meds helped but not very much. there was a lot of violence directly in my life at home from that point on on.
I grew up hating my brother and being afraid of him. I wished I was an only child, and that I had been allowed to stay with my foster family (I was in foster care shortly before my brother was born, until  shortly before my third birthday) instead of being given back to my mom.
I grew up wanting to be a mother, staying home with the kids, being married to a good and safe and sane man and not dealing with the violence and insanity ever again. For a while I wanted to adopt for fear of passing on the mental disorders that run in my family but as time went on I really felt it was best to have one of my own. Just one though, and hope for the best. I never wanted more than one kid, and I only wanted a daughter. This was due to having PTSD and issues coping with the idea of having a son of my own after witnessing the violence and trauma between him and our mother.
Even today, if the baby in my belly is a girl I feel I could happily say "I'm done. Our family is perfect." but I do feel that if it were a boy I'd always pine for a girl and possibly want to try once more with an age gap of 5-7 years and hope that I'd get her, but if not I'd call it quits there.
My trauma and issues helped shape my view, I know that. My childhood has played a large part in making me feel this way and growing up I've accepted it as fine because I know I'd be happy with one kid, okay with two, and overwhelmed with three or more. I'm not a "big family" kind of person trauma or not.

Cellus would love one kid, and would even consider two if we could afford it and still have me stay home even if we get our girl the first go around. That's really our limit though even if money wasnt an issue in play.